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Cut Cupid Some Slack

Valentine's Day!

What a great idea to set aside a day for remembering those we love. It's even more than just remembering; it's romancing.

But it is also a holiday that many dread.

Because of the romantic tradition of this holiday, many hearts feel isolated, alone and left out. Many dread it so much, that they will not even venture out to a restaurant or movie on this day that seems to be set-aside for lovers.

Why are so many people alone?

Why are Cupid's arrows not landing?

While I don't feel I have satisfactory answers to these questions, I would like to share a few perspectives here for us all to ponder. Agree or disagree, perhaps these insights can be helpful.

Let's take a look at a few of the arrows many ask to be shot from Cupid's arsenal and see if this helps us understand this dilemma a little better.

Arrow 1 - The Bulls-Eye Arrow

With this arrow, Cupid is asked to hit dead center of the bulls-eye. This is what I call the must-be-perfect-to-be-my-love-interest arrow.

Is it at all possible that the perfection sought by many in relationships is only a mirage? Is it possible that the lofty dreams of relationship bliss that leaves one soaring away on clouds of romance and splendor to live happily ever after is only that, dreams?

While I am not at all suggesting significant differences aren't valid concerns, there comes a time in this world of imperfections and human imperfections that one has to decide if they are going to keep the ideal and give up the person or keep the person and give up the ideal.

I'm so glad my wife chose to give up the ideal and keep the person!

Arrow 2 - The Flaming Arrow

Leading with the body! Body Heat. The fires of passion and sex!

Leading with the body seems to be the perspective of many in their approach to dating and relationship building these days. How many relationships have sizzled out due to a premature embracing of sexual desires?

These arrows from Cupid's arsenal often burn out before they hit their mark.

The question we like to ask is: Is the heartbeat of relationships found more in "Being Wanted for a Night of a Lifetime" or in "Being Wanted for a Lifetime of Nights"?

Love for a night is easy. It's biological! Love for a Lifetime of Nights is something else all together. We believe it's what we were made for.

The point I am trying to make here is when one leads with the body, don't be surprised when the flaming arrow burns out before anything of depth and substance develops.

Arrow 3 - The Shot-In-The-Dark Arrow

You see this arrow being used so often in reality shows.

I find it interesting how couples try to get together based on feelings, a selection of friends and family members or through the dictates of a national television audience. Often, in this scenario, very little time is really spent getting to know one another.

Love is so much more than an attraction. It is so much more than a feeling. It is even so much more than physical desire. Love isn't blind! It has as a foundation the building blocks of likeability. It is feelings of love ignited by the flames of likeability.

You can't just ask yourself if you are in love! You must ask yourself if you are in like.

It's not that you like "how they make you feel". It's not that you like having something to do when they're around. It's not even that you like your life more with them than you do without them. What really matters is that you like the person they are.

This takes getting to know one another.

An arrow shot in the dark is going to have difficulty finding a target.

So, the next time you find yourself lonely and alone, cut Cupid some slack and you just may want to look into what arrows you are requiring released from Cupid's arsenal.

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Stanley J. Leffew is the Author of, "How To Be Wanted For a Lifetime of Nights and Not Just a Night of a Lifetime". His website is based on this same theme. Find out for yourself why feeding desire and leading-with-the-body in life and relationships fails to satisfy the longing of the heart to connect by visiting http://advice-for-lifetime-relationships.com