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Home > Dealing with Grief & Loss > An Unexpected Letter 

Ten Tips for Coping with Grief and Loss During the Holidays - MarketWatch

Ten Tips for Coping with Grief and Loss During the Holidays
MarketWatch - 7 hours ago
You are of little value to your family and friends if you are not well rested and taking care of yourself first and foremost. 2. Find a way to acknowledge ...

An Unexpected Letter

It was a couple of weeks after Christmas, and I was standing by my mailbox in the vestibule of the apartment building where I lived in Lexington, Kentucky, holding a letter I had just received. The handwriting was not familiar and neither was the return address, although it was postmarked Seattle, Washington, the same place where Hannah Paulson used to live.

Many years ago when I was a little girl growing up on our dairy farm in west central Wisconsin, the Paulsons had lived next door to us. The two farms were the only residences located on our mile-long stretch of isolated country road, and during the summer, I journeyed down the hill a couple of times a week to visit Hannah. With her hair arranged in waves swept back from her forehead and kindly blue eyes twinkling from behind wire-rimmed spectacles, she wore cotton shirtwaist dresses in the summer and a blue-and-white or pink-and-white checkered apron.

Going to see Hannah was the highlight of my summer vacations. There was just something about Mrs. Paulson that drew me to her like the bees that were drawn to the wild roses growing around her big, old-fashioned farmhouse. I never considered that it might be rather unusual for me to enjoy visiting our elderly neighbor, even though there were no other neighbors with children for me to play with, and no other children in my family (my brother is twenty-one years older than me and my sister is nineteen years older).

During the summer, Hannah and I would cut and arrange flowers because Mrs. Paulson loved to have flowers in her house. At other times I would find her working on a project, like cleaning out the old chicken coop, or painting the barn, or weeding her garden. No matter what Hannah was doing, she always let me "help."

On days when it was too hot to be outside, we sat in Mrs. Paulson's kitchen and ate homemade oatmeal cookies. Hannah would ask me about the books I was reading (I loved to read), and she would tell me about the books she had liked to read when she was a little girl.

Hannah and her husband, Bill, had lived in Seattle before they bought the farm next to ours. The farm had belonged to a relative of theirs, and they had wanted to live in the country again. At one time, they had owned a farm in South Dakota. Hannah had been a kindergarten teacher when they lived in Washington, although she was retired by the time they were our neighbors. As the Paulsons grew older and the farm became too much for them to take care of, they decided to move back to the west coast and settled in Oregon. And yet, as I contemplated the letter I had just received at my apartment in Lexington, I still couldn't figure out who would be writing to me from Seattle. Especially since I knew it wasn't Hannah.

I took the letter upstairs to the apartment to read it. I sat down at the kitchen table, and inside the envelope was a single sheet of note paper covered with elegant, spidery handwriting. I glanced at the name on the bottom but didn't recognize it, then I went back to the top and began to read -

"Thank you for all of your kind words to my sister, Hannah Paulson. I don't know who you are, but you must have had a special, wonderful relationship with her. Unfortunately, Hannah died the day before your letter arrived?"

I sat there for a few moments, stunned.

Hannah was dead? And she hadn't read my letter?

You see, for some inexplicable reason, a few weeks before Christmas I was overcome by the strongest feeling that I ought to write to our former neighbor and thank her for being so kind to me when I was a little girl. Although - the longer I considered the idea - the more ridiculous it seemed to write to someone I hadn't seen in about fifteen years just to say thank you for being nice to me when I was a kid. So, I kept telling myself I didn't have to do it right now - that I could always do it "tomorrow."

I knew my mother still occasionally exchanged letters with Hannah, and when I finally concluded the nagging feeling was not going to go away, I called my mother in Wisconsin, got Hannah's address, wrote a letter and sent it in a Christmas card. After I mailed the envelope, I felt a certain sense of satisfaction, as if I had finally paid off an old debt.

Except that now Hannah was dead. And she hadn't read my letter.

As soon as the shock wore off a little bit, I called my mother. And when I told her that Hannah had died, we both began to cry.

"All those years when I could have written, but I didn't," I said in a choked voice. "And now she'll never know-"

I heard Mom heave a deep sigh. "Oh, sweetheart, of course Hannah knew. Besides, she enjoyed your visits as much as you enjoyed going to see her."

Nothing my mother said made me feel any better. If only I had written a week earlier. Or even just a day?

Twenty years later, I still can't help wishing that Hannah had been able to read my letter. She was one of the best friends I've ever had, but I never told her what her kindness meant to a lonely little girl who had no one to play with.

Then again, maybe that was Hannah's greatest gift to me. Through my procrastination in writing one simple letter, I learned that I should never put off until tomorrow telling my dearest friends and loved ones how I feel about them. No one knows, after all, when there might not be any more tomorrows.

******************

About The Author

LeAnn R. Ralph is the author of the book: Christmas In Dairyland (True Stories From a Wisconsin Farm). Share the view from Rural Route 2 and celebrate Christmas during a simpler time. Click here to read sample chapters and other Rural Route 2 stories - http://ruralroute2.com

bigpines@ruralroute2.com

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Coping with reawakened grief (Lansing State Journal)
The holidays remind us of family and loved ones, especially those who aren't alive. Take measures to cope with anniversaries, special days and other reminders of your loss so that you can continue the healing process, including: » Be reassured. Remember that anniversary reactions are common and normal and that the pain fades as the years pass. » Prepare for episodes of grief. Knowing that ... Ten Tips for Coping with Grief and Loss During the Holidays (PR Newswire via Yahoo! News)
PROVIDED BY SAN DIEGO HOSPICE AND THE INSTITUTE FOR PALLIATIVE MEDICINE 'Grief During the Holidays' seminar set (Daily News Journal)
Bereavement is one of the most challenging experiences a person can face. As the holiday season begins, the loss of a loved one can be especially difficult to cope with. Alive Hospice is offering a free seminar in Murfreesboro on Dec. 1 that can help. Holiday grief class to be held (Chambersburg Public Opinion)
ST. THOMAS -- A class focusing on coping with holiday grief will take place from 2 to 4 p.m. Sunday at the United Methodist Church of St. Thomas, 360 Edenville Road. Grief program offers helping hand during holidays (Louisville Courier-Journal)
Holidays can be difficult for people coping with the loss of a loved one. That's why Hosparus and Ratterman & Sons Funeral Home are presenting "A Light of Hope" on Sunday. Thanksgiving and Grief (BellaOnline)
grief,death,holidays,thanksgiving,drugs,overdose DVD, booklet help teens deal with feelings of grief (The Arizona Republic)
Grief Speak is a DVD and booklet produced by Hospice of the Valley in collaboration with a West Valley school to help teens cope with loss. Parents, community mourn loss of teens (Northwest Herald)
ALGONQUIN – Students and parents at North Lawndale College Preparatory Charter High School are mourning the loss of the three students who died in a Fox River boating accident early Friday morning. Candles burn for their loss (The Walpole Times)
Its name comes from a Michelangelo sculpture that is the virtual embodiment of human suffering and loss, and its founders readily acknowledge it is the group to which no one wants to belong. Don’t Make Suicide A Secret (The Source Weekly)
Each day in the U.S. more than 80 people will take their own life, leaving behind loved ones, survivors to struggle with the loss, grief and all of those questions that begin, “Why…?” Too often survivors believe the suicide of their loved one is somehow shameful, or that they or their family are to blame. But research shows that more than 90 percent of people who die by suicide have an ...
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